Part 2 of 3
Continued from Part 1
What is it that makes a man a horse thief? Is it because he steals horses? No. A man becomes a horse thief the moment the thought to steal the thing is acknowledged in his own heart. ~ Chuck Smith
I initially set out to write this post as a two-part series. Since my first writing, I have continued to meditate on the subject of change, and have decided to expand the series to three parts (or more?). In this installment, I’ll deal with inward change. After all, as with the ‘Horse Thief’ quote above, outward change is most often the result of that which takes place on the inside – first.
It has been said that the only real constant in life is change. From a human standpoint, we often become very uncomfortable with change in our lives, especially as one grows older – your mileage may vary. From a spiritual standpoint, theologians have argued points of view for centuries as to whether we, having a free will, engineer and orchestrate every change or circumstance in our lives as God looks on, or those changes have been preordained of God and we are as puppets on a string, having little input in living out our scripted lives on an eternal stage. Both positions in my opinion can be extreme and I tend to believe that each has it’s place in the grand scheme of things. However I do not wish to use this forum as a Bully Pulpit to argue the merits of Calvin vs. Arminius. For me to attempt to do so would constitute a fool’s errand. My thinking here has a far more immediate and personal application – if for no other reason than we simply live in a changing world – and my world is changing.
In my last writing, Part 1, I spoke of being in my little aluminum fishing boat, tucked into a narrow inlet on a lake as an unexpected windstorm came up. In the words which follow, I will endeavor to draw some parallels from that day, then apply them. Please note this is not an attempt to communicate a self-help guide on adapting to change, but my own thoughts and experiences with things both seen – and unseen – regarding to the changing circumstances in which I have lived in the past, as well as those in which I currently find myself.
First, my plan.
I had spied out the inlet where I wanted to go fishing the day before and it looked to be idyllic. I had carefully laid out my gear that evening, stowing it in a place which would be easily accessible in the pre-dawn hours. I’d checked the fuel level in my boat’s gas tank, made sure the outboard motor was working correctly, and that my battery was adequately charged. In short, I was all set. Or so I thought.
Sometimes life gets in the way.
Although I’d planned my outing well, and had done my best to be certain that I’d covered any contingency, my morning on the lake turned out to be nothing like I had envisioned. I hadn’t expected to overheat – and wished I’d thought to bring along some shorts. When the wind came up, I learned that my anchor wasn’t big enough to hold the boat as the wind speed increased. Had I paid closer attention to the fishing line I’d cast into the water, it probably would not have snagged the lake’s bottom and snapped as the boat drifted. Had I considered the fact that I and my boat were protected from the wind on the main body of the lake by the hills surrounding the inlet, I’d have left at the first sign of changing weather and possibly avoided the tumultuous ride back to the docks. With the onset of each of these events, I was required to adapt to the changing circumstances in which I found myself. Lacking sufficient experience with sudden windstorms, I did not respond in a proactive way at the time. Believe me, should I ever face similar circumstances, I will likely fare much better.
It’s all about the details.
My point here is this; life happens in the otherwise mundane details of each day – not necessarily in the ‘big moments’, or during times of great indecision. It is in attending to those details, mixed with the experience one gains over time – often through adversity – that produces wisdom. I must confess here that years ago, I sadly allowed my heart to drift from God in significant ways and began to live for myself and my own indulgences. I have in the past few years, many times, made the singular decision to recommit my life, my purpose, my heart to God, then shrunk back. Why? Have you ever heard the saying, “The devil is in the details”? I have, and I frankly don’t like it because God’s revealed will is to be infinitely and intimately more involved in the details of my daily life. In retrospect, those so-called ‘big’ decisions I’d made to re-commit were no more than a nifty way to assuage the guilt and shame I continued to carry – because those decisions were not accompanied by a willingness to change.
Awhile back a guy close to me whom I hold in high esteem as to the level of integrity with which he lives admonished, “John, stop worrying about what you cannot give to God, and begin to give Him what you can – each day. You’re not going to succeed at being restored to a right relationship by making big promises to God that He knows you cannot keep.” I was floored at the simplicity – and force – with which he spoke. This is the part where I’d love to state that I immediately took those things to heart and began to do as he’d advised. Instead, I continued to flounder for some time, yet his words stuck. As time went on, still reeling in grief and despair from my daughter Jessica’s unexpected death last year, I began to call upon God in the quietness of my heart, asking Him to meet me where I was at, promising nothing but a willing, hurting, dented heart, and a soul that had become lean. No fanfare. No big flashy decisions I’m making for God. No self-deceiving attempt to make myself feel better about the state my life had come to in the years since I’d drifted off course. Since that time, the breath of God Himself has begun to rekindle the once cooled, dim coals of my heart to a soft glow – enough that I am once more beginning to see Him in the details, in the otherwise insignificant decisions I make through the day. I am overjoyed at seeing the once familiar fire-for-God in my heart begin to burn once more – and am giving Him what I can each day, understanding the life of peace I’ve known from experience is being formed in me once more. Yes, I continue to struggle in many ways, yet as I yield the circumstances I am in to Him, the shift inside is unmistakable. God truly is in the details. And though it begins with a singular decision to follow God in Christ, change of this nature – inward change – happens in the minutiae, in the small decisions and details of one’s everyday existence as one yields to the Master’s touch. While those small details may seem insignificant at the time, they add up to a life that’s moving forward once more as the winds of change continue to blow, both inwardly – and as a result in my outward circumstances as well. ◊
Part Three • Outward Change
